Surgery isn't a quick fix...

Well, one thing I've learned is that the surgery is definitely not a quick fix. I am still living with Chronic pain eight months later and have been told numerous times from doctors that this is now a life long thing. I didn't want to accept that. But the more I refused to accept it, the angrier I got. That in turn makes the pain worst, tightens muscles etc. I am now on the road to trying to accept this life change. There are things that I just can't do and I have to accept that, there is also a lot that I can. What I can do is what I have to focus on.

I have nerve damage in my neck running down my entire right arm and hand from waiting for the surgery I needed, that is the one thing that will never go away. I also have problems with my hip, lower and mid back. All of this on my right side. I do have hope in a prolotherapist. Problem? The cost. It is not covered by medical because it is not a mainstream therapy. I fully believe it will help me one day, we just have to wait for the cash to do it.

My scars from the surgery are fading. The incision on my neck was done right on my crease so it is blending pretty well. The one on my hip is kind of ugly though, but with all the stretch marks from having kids, who's gonna notice, right? :)

I have a gazillion appointments I have to keep up with for myself. I get overwhelmed and almost forget them sometimes. Especially when I'm trying to remember all of my kids appointments.

I can't miss my physiotherapy appointments though. They keep my body working so I can keep doing what needs to be done. Every Tuesday and Friday. My physiotherapist has had to deal with me so long she knows exactly what to do to get the job done. She's great. :)

Coming Home

Coming home was SO uncomfortable. It was so painful to drive the three hours with a neck fusion that wasn't healed. The best thing I could do was tilt my chair pretty far back so the bumps didn't affect my neck as much. When I got home the girls weren't home yet. I missed them so much and the wait for them to come home was just as bad as the drive I think.
Once I was settled in my husband had to go back to work and my mom lived at my house until I could do things on my own again. She lived with me for three weeks. She drove my kids to school and dance. Cooked, cleaned, looked after my son who just turned 4 three months earlier.

I didn't have my first real shower until about 8-9 days after surgery. It was an exciting day when I was allowed to. Sponge baths just don't cut it. I had to wait until the bandages had come off on their own. The stitches were on the inside.
This was after the large bandages could come off but before the small ones were off. You can see there was a lot of bruising from the surgery.



This was the incision on my hip, which is still quite swollen. They needed to take a piece of my hip to put in my neck for the fusion. (ignore the stretch marks, from kids :p)

I also had to wear a collar every time I was in a vehicle to stabilize my neck. I wore this for almost three weeks.

And I was on Tylenol 3 and a heavy anti-inflammitory for pain.

Surgery Day and Stay in Hospital

Here I am, laying in a hospital bed waiting for the surgery to start. Putting on my brave face for my son. He iskissing my IV because as he sees it, it's another owy.

I was actually just getting over a cold when I was waiting for surgery to start. I had a slight cough and my throat was a little swollen on one side and sore. I was so worried that they would cancel the surgery because of it, didn't want to wait any more. They went ahead, not really knowing I was feeling that way, I don't reccommend doing this, unless of course you live in Canada and already waited 3 years. (add a little sarcassim)

They had me in the operating waiting room after that where a nurse asked a few questions about the operation just to make sure I knew what was about to happen. Then my doctor came to my bedside and went over things again with me. I asked if the pain will be as bad as the flare ups I had and he said he would be surprised if it was. That reasured me, tired of the pain.

This brought me to the operating room. The guys all introduced themselves to me while I was laying on a freezing cold bed with no blanket preping me. The anathegeologist was sticking cold monitors on me and asked if I was having fun yet. lol Another guy said, 'looks like you got the all guy room'. They put a mask on me and told me they were just giving me extra oxygen at which point I looked at him with a dirty look thinking I ain't falling for that. I hear him say 'nice deep breaths', started to feel very tired all of a sudden, then I was out.

Me with an oxygen tube, Mikhail (my son) in the background checking the monitor.

When I started to wake up my hand went immediately to my neck. It was so painful. The nurse stopped me from grabbing my neck so I asked if I could have something for it. She rolled up a small towel and placed it under my neck, from then to about day 5 that was my pillow.

My son giving me another hug :)

No, not a flattering photo of my AT ALL. Here I am with my 'pillow'. The rolled up towel was the only way I could tollerate the pain.

This was the incision area where they performed the surgery still bandaged up.

and the lovely slippers I got to use.

My son helped me through this more that he will ever know. <3

I had to get up and try to walk after the surgery. I knew I would do better if I did. My son liked to go with me.

Dinner, I remember having a hard time eating this. I was really hard to swallow after the surgery for about three days. I felt like I was choking on my food.

my 'help' button.

Bruises from the pain shots they were giving me. They were not to gentle with those.

IV

My water and the Juice I saved for when my son was coming. Juice is a treat in our house. :)

Breakfast, more choking...

On the way to surgery...

I was still in denial over the whole thing actually taking place. I think it is because I've waited 3 years this way. My mom had the girls, they had to perform on stage while I was under the knife! They are so brave. On the way we had stopped for dinner. Also had to past through a mountain area where it was snowing and traffic was bad. The girls and I emailed each other a million times while I prepped in the hotel room the night before. I was scared. I just didn't want to deal with pain anymore.

A new door has opened

I had my appointment with my neurosurgeon on the 16th, which just so happened to be my oldest daughter's 13th birthday. I was looking forward to it but held back my emotions, I didn't want to be let down. I have been waiting so long for my surgery and so long to feel myself again. I walked in this time with my entire family, we took over the small waiting room. I was in a fair amount of pain from the ride there but in overall good spirits. It just seems more like it will finally happen when you are sitting in the doctors office. He called me in and my entire family walked in behind me, the very people, besides me, that this effects the most. I'm sure an impact on the doctor. We sat there and listened to the same words we heard this time last year... Disc impingement, protruding, spur, broken neck, MRI, CT, c5 c6, car accident, not better. He said just 5 years ago this would have been done for me in three months time.

He let me know how he was going to fix me, graph my hipbone to place in the area for fusion. He told me the risks, paralyzed in extremities, infection, vocal cord damage, etc etc. He also let me know I'll have a small scar on the front of my neck, which I don't care about.

He said my surgery should be soon, within three months and sent me on my way. Although happy that the surgery date was closer I left disappointed that I was still waiting. I went back to surgery not being real in my mind and feeling kind of depressed about it all.

The next day I got up feeling as I always do, lots of pain, popping pain meds and sitting on the couch until the meds kick in, when we got a phone call. The secretary from the dr's office called to let me know there was an opening March 1st!! I was stunned all over again. First I panicked because it's the middle of my daughter's performing arts dances but knew I had to take it, I'd probably be waiting a long time more if I didn't. I also realized there is a greater power out there looking after me, March 1st is my late grandma's birthday!
I think this blog will end up being about recovery  now! :)

Where it all started

Let's see... I'll try my best to give you an idea behind the story of where my life changed on a dime. It changed the second this happened. I didn't like to talk about it much because I didn't want to sound like I was whining and complaining which in turn left me alone to deal
With it all. So I've decided to start this blog to tell my story, a story that started almost three years ago.

Basically I'm just going to come here when I need to let some of it go and fill in the missing parts of the story as I go.

Today I went to my relaxation group. It's a group for people that suffer with chronic pain. It was my fourth time going and meeting this group of people has been great. We just talk about what we are comfortable with talking about and then get into our comfy spots and go through a meditation like treatment where healers come to each of us as we relax. It has helped me get through some of the pain. :) Just something I do for just me that helps and I'm glad that my friend urged me to go.

And here's something that I found while surfing the net. This is pretty true with any chronic pain or illness and really helps to explain what it's like to live this way. I find myself choosing quite often what I might be able to do that day, especially if my husband is in camp.